Monday, September 1, 2008

No Republican Convention? (political satire)

I am soooo disappointed that there is an abbreviated Republican Convention in St. Paul, Minn., this week.
I was really looking forward to hearing Sen. Sam Brownback (R-Kan.) defend the rights of the unborn child, and having Dick Cheney remind us all why we must kill more people around the world to promote peace and democracy.



(I tell you that photo between Canadian singer k.d. lang and model Cindy Crawford is so much like a Norman Rockwell painting.
Doesn't it remind you of a simpler "Father Knows Best" time during the Eishenhower years when black children in Alabama had to go to segregated schools? I know each American, including our good friend Justice Clarence Thomas, wishes to return our country to those golden days. And, we could also have prayer back in our schools. Wouldn't that be wonderful?)

Second, while we must work hard to discourage our youth from engaging in this sort of activity, we can provide a conservative alternative to sex education in the classroom by showing fourth graders some footage from "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom" to illustrate that this sort of thing should only been done between consenting reptiles. I'm sure Sarah Palin would approve. Won't she make a great vice president? It's so refreshing to see so many GOP operatives standing up for her.
Third, we must remind all Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and Buddhist children where they will end up if they don't join us in church this Sunday (as well as each and every Sunday thereafter). Of course, this goes for liberals and atheists too (as well as any Republican who might think about voting for that socialist Barack Obama). I'm sure Franklin Graham would join us by shouting out: 'Amen!'
Lastly, we will miss Sen. Tom Coburn  (R-Okl.) telling us why we must make sure that the rich business and corporate leaders get the tax credits they so desperately need so they can provide generously to the victims of the next natural disaster, be it in New Orleans or some odd foreign country which is to difficult to pronounce.

NOTE: With sincere apologies to all my Republican friends whom I respect and admire.............even those of you who are running for office this November!

And.....yes, I know most conservatives aren't this over-the-top, but the Barry Goldwater Republican does seem to be gradually going the way of the Galapagos turtle.

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