Saturday, July 27, 2013

Our First Entry in Turkish

Herkese mutlu gunler. Bugun Malatya Kayisilar bizim destek oluyor (tabikii saka ediyoruz).

Ayrica, butun Sudi Arabistan, Japonya, ve Polanya'daki dostlarimiza merhabalar gondermek istiyoruz.

Bugun ABD'nin orta Atlantik bolgesinde baya cok yagmur yagmis. North Carolina devlet'i bir kac kentler'de sel olmus. Ve Bashkent Vashington'da bulutlu, yagmurlu ve ruzgarli gun gecirdigin'e duyduk.

Eger siz bana Twitter'de selam solyle'mek istersiniz, @Tilly70 benim Twitter isminimdir.

English translation abridged: "We wish everyone a nice day. Today, Malatya Apricots (a real company) is today's daily sponsor (this is a joke; we have no sponsors). We want to say hello to all our friends in Saudi Arabia, Japan and Poland.

It rained very hard in the mid-Atlantic part of the country. The state of North Carolina and Washington, DC (there is no 'W' in Turkish, though George W. Bush, who was not popular in Turkey because of the Iraq War, made everyone aware of the letter W). If you want to say hello on Twitter, my handle is @Tilly70."

Friday, July 26, 2013

Highlight from the Things To Do List: Go to the Local Art Museum

As I try to do every month, I put together a list of 100 Things To Do. It should be pointed out that while I respect religious people and Elvis Presley fans, I am posting this image to be ironic. Hopefully, our followers in the Czech Republic get the joke.

Here we go:

1. Visit the local art museum (yeah, that's another reason for the velvet Jesus and Elvis painting)

2. Looking into getting a Facebook page for the family business

3. Read "The Atlantic"

4. Read "Rolling Stone"

5. Read "The Week"

6. Cancel some magazine subscriptions

7. Read "The Nation" at the Salt Lake City* Library

8. Read "The National Review" at the local library to get into the right-wing mindset.

9. Do the laundry

10. Recycle

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Free-Style Blogging: Let's Talk About ...........

Ok, take notes kids, this is how this works. We take some news items and political topics, such as climate change and Edward Snowden, and then mix them in with general things, such as Turkish Airlines (tonight's sponsor......yeah, that is a joke, but we hear they are great to fly with). And, then we make a complete blog entry out of them, which should get us noticed in Slovenia.

The topics will be marked with a single parenthesis.

Let's get rolling:

"Hmmmm..........I've noticed whenever I watch Fox News, they never seem to talk about 'climate change' even though all the glaciers in 'Iceland' are melting. Perhaps, this is because their average viewer lacks the attention span to read one 'Archie Comics.' But, they've been sooo brain-washed that at this point they would vote for 'Darth Vader' if he had an R by his name.

Of course, folks to the left of me (yes, there are always some of these people except in Provo, Utah), are focused on 'Bradley Manning' and the 'NSA.' My advice to 'Edward Snowden' would be to get on a 'Turkish Airlines' flight from Moscow to Istanbul where he can work at a tea house and inexplicably go unnoticed, but his narcissist ego may not like that.

There is also a lot of talk about the controversial 'Rolling Stone' cover, but no one mentions the fact that the cover story about the Boston Marathon bomber is quite well-written. And, in case, one is wondering, it's now 70 degrees and cloudy in 'Greensboro, NC'..........thanks for that info, Mr. Google.' 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Random List of Ten Things To Do in Roanoke, Virginia:

This is a complementary post to one posted on "The Daily Vampire," this is a list of things to do in and around Roanoke, Va., my hometown, alas some places didn't make the list this time around.

Here we go:

1. B and D Comics (Yeah, that's why we have comic book character Cable, pictured top)

2. No Shame Theatre: A place where anyone can show off their talent as long as it's not over five minute and does not involving nudity (we guess boxer shorts from Target are ok....yes, it's the reason for the clown/magician in the middle...we wanted to go with a chainsaw juggler, but those images were hard to come by).

3. The Grandin Theatre: A cool, vintage cinema. "Vertigo" was the first I saw there when it initially re-opened in 1984.

4. Salem Farmer's Market (Salem)

5. O. Winston Link Museum

6. Oddfellas Cantina (Floyd): This nifty place in the village of Floyd, a long 29 miles from Roanoke, is a great place for weekend brunches.

7. Salem Red Sox (the local baseball team, they are playing the Frederick Keys right now as we speak)

8. Double Apple Restaurant and Hookah: There aren't many places to find authentic Middle Eastern food in Roanoke, but this restaurant on Brambleton Avenue pleases that need. And, they have great humus!

9. Too Many Books: One of the last remaining independent bookstores in Roanoke; it's located in the Grandin Village relatively close to the Grandin Theatre.

10. Dixie Caverns (Salem): A popular tourist attraction...don't hit your head on the stalagmites!

UPDATE: The Salem Red Sox beat the visiting Frederick Keys 13-9 last night, but this evening the team from Maryland came out on top by a score of 5-3.

There is more on our sister blog site "The Daily Vampire:"

Monday, July 22, 2013

Strange Dreams Indeed: Evangelist Tried to Get Me to Drink the Orangina

A few nights back, I dreamed that the Rev. Johnny Robertson of Martinsville, Va., who looks fairly similar to the Rev. Robert Tilton, (pictured here) one of America's most infamous tv evangelist (Robertson_ no relation to Pat Robertson_ is also a tv evangelist, but on a smaller scale), tried to get give me a free three-foot bottle of Orangina if I would accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior.

The scene of the dream was a Food Lion grocery store in Eden, NC, just over the border from Martinsville, where I'm virtually certain that they don't sell Orangina!

Friday, July 19, 2013

Image to Fill Space: Uma Thurman for Tell a Woman She is Beautiful Day

This cover of "GQ" actually goes back to 1995 when Uma Thurmas was around 24 or 25 years of age (she was born in November of 1970). Today indeed is Tell a Woman She is Beautiful Day. We imagine this post will probably get few hits in Iran or Afghanistan, but hopefully we will get more traffic from France and Belgium; it's all good!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Guest Blogger of the Day: Zappa the Family Cat

Greetings to our blog readers in Switzerland, Russia and New Zealand, today, we feature commentary from our guest blogger Zappa the Family Cat; these comments do contain profanity so we had to delete a few letters. And, yes, Zappa is named for Frank Zappa:

"I want some **d ***n ****ing roast beef, man, what do mean it's too late? You are such a ******d and an ******e, ya now that?"

By the way, the cows pictured are the American state of Kansas, located in the Midwest.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Word of the Day: Maelstrom

Greetings to our blog readers in Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and Vietnam, hopefully, your bosses have given you some break time at your human rights violating garment manufacturing centers, and domestically, we would like to welcome those of you from Alaska, Oregon and Montana: Three states we've never been to.

Today's 'Word of the Day' is maelstrom, which we gather might be Norwegian in origin. Here is what Wikipedia defines as maelstrom: "A very powerful whirlpool which can take in everything around it. Example: Harry was caught in a maelstrom when his found him found him in bed with her sister."

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Sports Desk: Russian Aliya Mustafina Wins Gold in Gymnastics

Uni the Snow Leopard Kitten (pictured center) was the mascot for the 2013 World University Games in Kazan, Russia, in the country's Tartarstan region, and the host country came through well in artistic gymnastics as Aliya Mustafina (pictured top) won individual gold.

Mustafina, who won individual all-around bronze at the 2012 London Olympics, hails from Tartarstan. She won the competition with a 57.9 score. Her teammate Ksenia Afanaseva (pictured bottom) won individual silver while Kim Dui, a gymnast of Chinese descent who represented Germany, finished third.

Elizabeth Black of Canada finished third on balance beam and she tied for second on vault with veteran gymnast Elsa Garcia of Mexico.

In other women's sports at the World University Games, Aysegul Coban, from my father's home country Turkey, finished third in women's weightlifting in the 195-kg division. Kanae Yasi of Japan won gold in that event. Coban hails from Konya in central Turkey.

Team USA won five overall gold medals, including one from Auriell Scott, an alumni of Central Florida University, won gold in the 100-meters track event.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Presidential Quotes: Martin van Buren

Greetings to our blog readers in Ukraine, Greece and Kenya, where assuredly Martin van Buren, America's eighth president, is a household name (yes, that is a joke).

Here is a quote from him which even in a post-Soviet Union world seems very, very ironic, perhaps Russian leader Vladamir Putin, if he somehow reads this blog, might find this interesting:

"Between Russia and the United States sentiments of good will continue to be mutually cherished."

SIDEBAR: One of our favorite tweets of the night is from comic book writer Chris Eliopoulos:

"For those who don't watch CSI Miami, the theme song is The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again."

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Presidential Quotes (7 of 8): Richard M. Nixon

Greetings to our blog readers in Canada, Belize and Uganda- where we learned that Yuweri Museveni is now president, hopefully he is a nicer guy than Idi Amin!

And, with that reference to a prominent '70s world leader, we turn our attention to President Richard Nixon, who left the White House due to the notorious Watergate scandal, but even though we are not Republicans, we kind of like this guy.

And, at this time, to arbitrarily increase hit numbers, we will mention Bradley Cooper, Elisabeth Hasselback and Kim Kardashian.

Here is our quote from Nixon who makes a 'cameo' of sorts in "The Big Lebowski," a film that was made several years after this death:

"Those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then destroy yourself."

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Presidential Quote (6 of 8): Andrew Jackson

Greetings to our blog readers in Ireland, Italy and Israel.

Today, we continue with our presidential quotes by quoting Andrew Jackson, the seventh* American president and the second Democrat to become prez, after Thomas Jefferson.

There is actually a dispute as to whether Jackson was born in North Carolina or South Carolina as he has born on an estate near the border, but most historians say he was born in South Carolina. Today, there is a high school in Kershaw, SC, which bears his name.

Jackson represented Tennessee at the time of his election to the presidency, and his historic home The Hermitage in Nashville, Tenn., is open for tourists. Jackson, Mississippi, and the town of Mont Jackson, Va., two hours south of Washington, DC, are among the cities and towns named after 'Old Hickory.

Here is his quote:

"Take the time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in."

*- We initially stated that Jackson was the sixth president of the USA; that distinction actually belongs to John Quincy Adams. I assume that the folks at The Hermitage and Mental Floss magazine will hold us accountable!

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Presidential Quotes, Cont'd: Jimmy Carter

Greeting to our blog readers in the Netherlands, Croatia and Uzbekistan.

Today, we are continuing our series of presidential quotes with a quip from Jimmy Carter, the peanut farmer from Georgia who upset other Democratic candidates in the 1976 primaries and then defeated incumbent President Gerald Ford, whom Carter later became good friends with, to become president of the United States.

Other quotes in the series can be found on our sister blog "The Daily Vampire"

Interestingly enough, the Marvel Comics character Howard the Duck also ran for president in 1976; we think he got more votes than Ralph Nader.

Here is the quote:

"America did not invent human rights. In a very real sense, human rights invented America."

Saturday, July 6, 2013

Presidential Quotes: James Madison

Greetings to our blog readers in Belgium, Portugal and New Zealand, today's quote comes from James Madison, the fourth president of America and an author of the U.S. Constitution. James Madison University in Harrisonburg, Va., is named after him, and he is frequently discussed on the public radio program "Your Weekly Constitution" ( ) produced at WETS-FM in Johnson City, Tenn. (

His home Montpelier in Orange County, Va., is also relatively close to Monticello, the mansion of Thomas Jefferson, America's third president, in Charlottesville.

Here is Madison's quip:

"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy."

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Presidential Quotes: George HW Bush

Greetings to our blog-readers in Lithuania, Libya and Lebanon and a last minute Fourth of July to everyone here in les etats unis.

We will be quoting former President George H.W. Bush soon, but before we do, we thought we'd write a quick paragraph with some items which are trending on the web page for "The Washington Post" (we Aquaman to make it more interesting):

"The nation's capital celebrated the 4th of July as Egypt is in a major political crisis with a performance by Barry Manilow at the National Mall; Cong. Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) was among those in attendance. Meanwhile in New York, competitive eater Joey Chestnut won his seventh world hot dog eating championship. He ate 69 hot dogs, yeah, don't try that at home. And, a 10-year-old boy in Seattle wore his new Aquaman pajamas at a local Burger King to merely impress his friends."

On a more somber note, we are saddened to hear that John E. Grogan, 78, the mayor of Eden, North Carolina, a small near Greensboro, which borders Virginia, passed away today.

Here is our quote from Bush 41:

"You have to understand that people that are hurting are going to criticize you."

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Presidential Quotes, John Adams

Our quote from John Adams, America's second president who was made more famous by actor Paul Giamatti's portrayal of him for an HBO mini-series, reflects some irony as his son John Quincy Adams became prez too:

"I must sudy politics and war so that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy."

We gather that today John Adams is busy fly-fishing in Montana and Wyoming with Dick Cheney (yes, that is a joke).

Presidential Quotes: George W. Bush

Well, we sort of goofed as this was supposed to be a blog entry with a quote from George Washington, but we're George W. Bush will understand (forgive the political humor). We imagine that the 43rd president is busy reading "Funky Winkerbean" and his wife Laura is working on a cooking book.

Here is one of his quotes:

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be to pass a literacy test."

Wow! This is our 2,400th blog entry....

Monday, July 1, 2013

For Canada Day, a Quote from Martin Short

Greetings to our readers in Tanzania, Turkey and Tahiti, our regrets that your soccer lost to Spain by a score of 10-0  during Confederate Cup play in Brazil.

Today, our neighbors to the north are celebrating Canada Day, so with that, we have a quip from Martin Short, 63, the former "SCTV" star and character actor, who hails from Hamilton, Ontario:

"I know if I were to drop dead now, people would probably write nice things about me."

SIDEBAR: In case you are wondering, a can of Blue Sky Root Bear has 170 calories in it. The company that was started in Santa Fe, N. Mex., is now based in California.