The Short List (satire)

Since John McCain announced that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin was going to be his running mate (the shock is just now wearing down, some 36 hours later), I was wondering who else might have come close to being his Tonto.

Here is what I came up with:

1) Judge Clarence Thomas

Yes, this ultra-conservative judge who is reportedly social friends with Rush Limbaugh may have qualified under the "well if I choose a black guy, blacks will vote for him" mentality. The problem is he has about as much interest in African-American affairs as outgoing Republican Mississippi senator Trent Lott.

2. Rev. Jimmy Swaggart

What better way to appeal to the most loyal base of the Republican Party that is the Christian Coalition by choosing one of its own?! The fact that Swaggart compared gay marriage to bestiality during a televised sermon (now on youtube) will also help the GOP with their other loyal base, which is paranoid homophobes. (This photo is actually from Swaggart's official web site! Love those nails).

3. Sen. Hillary Clinton

Hey, if you really want to connect with Hillary voters. Why not choose Hillary herself? Oh, the fact that she is a Democrat may pose a slight problem, but this move would be a bold one and prove that McCain is actually a maverick (newsflash: he's not). Rush Limbaugh hates McCain anyway, and this would actually help him win the retirement home vote in Florida. Alas, Sarah Palin will not!

4. Sen. Larry Craig (R-Idaho)

He's still not gay! And, he has lots of experience in the senate. What more do you want?

For more serious information on the election, you can go to http://www.c-span.org or http://www.votesmart.org

Hmmm.... yes that did just sound like a public service announcement.

Tags: John McCain, Sarah Palin, Clarence Thomas, Rush Limbaugh, Jimmy Swaggart, Hillary Clinton, Larry Craig, Trent Lott

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