Top Ten Things To Do List (Satire): Read Golf Digest

Tonight is yet another exciting Sunday night in which one can't wait to sit by the barns in Boones Mill, Virginia, and gaze up at the stars while swatting mosquitoes.

BTW, we did not go to Indiana for the Final Four, that was an April Fool's Joke, you know that right?

Here is a satirical look at what needs to be taken care of this upcoming week:

1. Get the current issue of "Golf Digest"

2. Actually play a game of golf, or at least, indulge in some Putt-Putt...

3. Go to Bethesda, Maryland, to visit F. Scott Fitzgerald's grave (center image)

4. Call "The Atlanta Journal-Constitution" to ask for today's Sunday paper even though I reside 7.5 hours away (the Atlanta Braves start baseball season tomorrow.....we think)

5. Mapquest directions to Omaha, Nebraska, to see an Omaha Storm Chasers game even though I live 18.5 hours east of there.

6. Play Donkey Kong for 9.5 hours at one time

7. Watch the entire first two seasons of "Doctor Who"

8. Laundry

9. Recycling

10. Oil Change

https://www.facebook.com/omahastormchasers

http://www.fscottfitzgeraldsociety.org/

http://www.bbcamerica.com/doctor-who/

http://www.ajc.com/

http://www.golfdigest.com/

Sunday Comics Survey from Washington Post: Lincoln Wins!

Greetings to our fans in Seoul, South Korea, or where ever you may be today. Here is our weekly comic strips survey, today we are featuring comics from the Sunday "Washington Post" that ran on May 18th. Amazon billionaire Jeff Bezos now owns the newspaper, and for $1.75 million, we will sell him this blog as well.

Among our favorites were "Pearls Before Swine," which takes the Abe Lincoln in McDonald's concept (a short story in which the 16th president takes a ride through a time machine) and examines what the 16th president would do in the age of Twitter. Stephan Pastis even dares asks the question about what Honest Abe would have tweeted right before going to see a play at Ford's Theatre, where he was assassinated.

Interestingly enough, the actual Ford's Theatre in Washington, DC, now an active venue and museum (top image) has started a production of "One Destiny," a 35-minute one-act play about Lincoln's ill-fated visit to the theatre.

Similarly, "Brewster Rockit: Space Guy" featured a great satire that reminded us of "Doctor Who" (center image), "The Argyle Sweater" featured an audition for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (bottom image) and "Foxtrot" featured a siblings squabble over a printer which was running out of ink.

Here is our survey:

1) "Pearls Before Swine"

2) "Brewster Rockit: Space Guy"

3) "The Argyle Sweater"

4) "Foxtrot"

5) "Rhymes with Orange"

6) "Lio"

7) "Dustin"

8) "Sherman's Lagoon"

9) "Judge Parker"

10) "Knight Life"


SIDEBAR: The other day, we had an entry dedicated to college commencement speakers. Today we add three more: 1) Ed Helms, Cornell University; 2) Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, William and Mary and 3) John Legend, University of Pennsylvania.

http://www.gocomics.com


http://www.washingtonpost.com/comics

http://www.fordstheatre.org/

The Funny Pages Dialogue_ That's No Problem, Helga

Keith Knight is a brilliant cartoonist and journalist, and someone I greatly admire. That is made especially true because I can't even draw stick people! His comic strip "Knight Life" runs in the Sunday Washington Post. We did not get a chance to use a line from his comic strip this time, but we do have lines from many of the other strips that were in the most recent edition of the Sunday Post.

We have noticed that comic strips tend to use a lot of exclamation points!!!!

By the way, we must give credit to Javier the Intern for compiling this (a running in-joke on this blog, Javier is a fictional character); the aim here is to compile in a way that makes for one silly conversation.

Here we go:

"You're not getting any better at this are you" (from "Sherman's Lagoon")

"What kind of animal did you draw?" (from "Frazz")

"That's the problem, Helga!" (from "Hagar the Horrible")

"Hey, I told you to go with the "Dcotor Who" scripts." (from "Foxtrot," an image of Dr. Who is in the center).

"Honey, are you ok? What's going on?!" (from Blondie, we thought Dagwood was the one who likes to sit on the couch, but that distinction belongs to another old-time comic strip "Andy Capp")

"You did not just write that to me in an email." (from "Reply All," one of Javier's favorite comic strips)

"All I have to do is make a few phone calls!" (from "Judge Parker")

"I can afford to lost one crummy quarter!" (from "The Amazing Spiderman")

"I'll go scare that kid dressed as a space skunk!" (from "Brewster Rockit")

""Excuse me, but wasn't the Halloween section over there?" (from "Dennis the Menace, a comic strip character that is known in Turkish as "Bacaksiz"_ the kid without legs)


SIDEBAR: You wanna impress your hot girlfriend who looks as gorgeous as Kim Kardashian? Well, then you should go the web site for Mr. Porter where you can find unicorn-stamped sweater (pictured) which retails for $725. It must be true because we read it the Sunday Post.

And, for those of you who are into fashion (I'm just a novice myself), then you should check out "All on the Line," with Joey Zee; new episodes air on the Sundance Channel every Monday night at 9:00 p.m. Reruns of the series will be airing this evening (east coast time).

Comic strip links:

http://www.slagoon.com

http://www.kchronicles.com

http://www.foxtrot.com

http://www.replyallcomics.com

http://www.tundracomics.com

http://www.funkywinkerbean.com

Fashion links:

http://www.ustopshop.com

http://www.dapperlow.com

http://www.theurbanagent.com

http://www.guysstyleguide.com

http://www.mrporter.com

http://www.sundancechannel.com/all-on-the-line/

The Rabbit Ears Test (8 of 12)_ "Flipper"

Today, we go way back, for our subject as "Flipper" first aired on NBC on Sept. 19, 1964. It was one of American tv shows I saw as a child while living in Turkey from 1977-79 on the TRT. It still seems ironic and amazing today that if you have satellite television you can watch Mexican wrestling matches (Lucha Libre), the new version of "Doctor Who" or an old Gary Cooper movie like "Pride of the Yankees" at any given juncture as there are over 300 channels on any given satellite provider.

But, in those days in Turkey, it was just the TRT and it consisted of one channel which aired at night during the week and during the day on weekends.

In Turkey, "Flipper" aired on Saturday mornings, and it was very popular, especially with children. Interesting enough, the TRT also aired a French documentary series by the late underwater filmmaker Jacques Cousteau (1910-1997) on Saturday afternoons.

The actual dolphin Flipper on the show was a bottlenose dolphin who belonged to a widowed father Porter Ricks, played by the late Brian Kelly (1931-2005), and his young boys Sandy, played by Luke Halping, now 64, and Bud, played by Tommy Norden, now 59.

Flipper was played at various times by at least five mostly female dolphins over the show's three-season run, including Mitzi, Little Bit, Suzy and Kathy. The dolphins were trained by Ric O'Berry, who later became a marine animal activist.

Ironically, in more recent years, "Flipper" generated some controversy when O'Berry stated that Kathy had committed suicide by drowning herself.

"Flipper" became a 1995 tv series and a 1996 feature film with Paul Hogan and Elijah Wood (both were also named "Flipper").

The original show's catchy theme song was written by Henry Vars and By Dunham.

Today, we ask, how many episodes were made of the original "Flipper"?

Is the answer:

A) 82

B) 86

C) 88

D) 90

Weekend Road Trip- Maryland to Tennessee (6 of 20)

Hi kids. Be sure to tell all your friends about out blog to make it worth our time. Hmmm, yes, we are beginning to sound like a PBS station.

Today, we focus on the distance between Hagerstown, Md, home of the Hagerstown Suns (if you left off the 's,' one might think it was the town newspaper!), and Chattanooga, Tenn., home of the Chattanooga Lookouts, which is a reference to nearby Lookout Mountain. But, yes, we were wondering what exactly a 'lookout' is too; is it like some kind of TSA agent? (We hope our friends at the ACLU like the joke, or that someone does!).

Currently, the Hagerstown Suns are in Lexington, Ky., where they will be play the Lexington Legends tonight. The team's next home game is against the reigning South Atlantic League champs the Lakewood Blueclaws, who play in Lakewood, NJ.

The Chattanooga Lookouts are also on the road in Alabama as they are playing the Birmingham Barons, a team that beat them 6-2 yesterday. The next home game for the Lookouts, who are in the Southern League (so they can't play the Suns) is on Monday against the Hunstville Stars from Huntsville, Ala., which should not confused with Huntsville, Tex., where they execute more people than they do in Saudi Arabia (I guess by now, it's obvious that I'm not exactly a right-wing Tea Partier).

To look at the distance between the two cities, we took the address of the Oasis Hookah Lounge in Hagerstown, Md., and the address of the City Cafe (Carter Street location) in Chattanooga, Tenn.

It should be pointed that we are using the Turkish shadow puppets of Karagoz and Hacivat, which are proudly from the city of Bursa, Turkey, instead of the image of a hookah pipe to be kid-friendly and because images of the pipes are surprisingly difficult to hot-link.

And, of course, the choo choo is because Chattanooga is famous for (I think everyone outisde of Tajikistan knows this) The Chattanooga Choo Choo.

So, what is the answer? If you know, I will give you either an eight-track tape of the Oak Ridge Boys' Greatest Hits or a vinyl record from Captain Tanille unless you are related to me, which disqualifies any siblings residing in Goteborg, Sweden (in-joke...hmmm...they may not get it either).

Is the answer:

A) 11 hours and 50 minutes

B) 12 hours even

C) 12 hours and 10 minutes

D) 12 hours and 20 minutes

The answer to last week's question was A) 12 hours and ten minutes. We have no idea which PBS station serves Chattanooga, and we are too lazy/tired to look it up. But, we do know that Maryland Public Television serves Hagerstown, and we wonder if they still show "Dr. Who" reruns on Saturday night!