Yet Another Quote from Shakespeare (Entry 4 of 5)

We must profess irony for posting this entry as yours truly (yes, I use 'we' on my blog entries even though I know it is grammatically incorrect, nor am I a male version of Sybil) because we don't really have any patience, especially not during this zanier than a Tom and Jerry cartoon time of the year:

"How poor are they who have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degree."

Silly Photo to Fill Space- the Tom and Jerry Necktie

One of the items on my Christmas wish list that we published back on Dec. 5 was a Tom and Jerry necktie. We mentioned the same time several months ago when we quipped that a guy can know he's in trouble on a first date if the girl asks: "Which one is the mouse?"

For those of you in Tashkent, Uzbekistan, who were born when Bill Clinton (another saxophone player) was president, Jerry is the mouse (did we really need to say that?! Yes, we probably did).

The Tom and Jerry necktie retails for circa $15 on most online sites, like zazzle.com

An interesting historical note about the characters is that a new incarnation of "Tom and Jerry" appeared on a series with Grape Ape (who looks like a purple King Kong with a baseball cap) cartoons in 1975.

The producers who perhaps later went on to advise George W. Bush (forgive the center-left political humor, kids! and Newt Gingrich if you are reading this) thought it would be a idea to make Tom and Jerry friends instead of the bitter rivals they had been for four decades before. By doing this, they thus ruined the basic plot premise that drove the storyline. A familiar gag that worked as well for kids in Dubai as it did kids in Topeka. And, of course, the new 'toons flopped.

Actually, a Grape Ape lunchbox would be a nifty item to have as well, but there are folks starving on the streets, especially in Detroit (read a depressing, but well-written article in "Mother Jones" about that), so wanting such things seem pointless and trivial.

You can probably find the Tom and Jerry cheaper than $15 if you look hard enough:)

The Top 10-Christmas Wish List (Cool Gifts Edition)

I know there is this fundamentalist church in the hamlet of Riner, Va., which put out these signs in the neighborhood saying "Putting Christ Back in Christmas."

While I fully respect people's religion and their right to worship as they choose, I do wonder if the folks who have those signs in their yard will sell out and go the New River Valley Mall in nearby Christiansburg, Va., just as us liberals would pump gas at a BP station to avoid running out of gas in rural Arkansas, where we would assuredly be shot on sight!

But, irregardless if you view Christmas as a sacred holiday or as an opportunity to shop and drink lots and lots of egg nog, we all like gifts, and these are the 10 gifts I would love to have more than any other.

Now, for this list, I only focused on things which are realistically affordable so the $3,499 Hottie 454 Guitar that is featured in the gift guide edition of "Rolling Stone" isn't on the list. Besides, I can't play guitar anyway!

I am also not asking for a trip to see my favorite current rock band Gogol Bordello perform in Oslo, Stockholm and Helsinki this weekend---though that would have been so cool! (Closer to home, they will be at the Jefferson Theatre in Charlottesville, Va., on Dec. 28).

So, here is the list, feel free to get everything on this list for me if you are so inclined, and of course, if you do, I will make a generous donation to an orphanage in Cambodia:

1. DeadMau5 Mini and/or the DeadMau5 CD "4X4=12"_ For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, DeadMau5(pictured here, pronounced Dead Mouse) is a hip, happening dj from Toronto (real name is Joel Zimmerman) who Wikipedia describes as "a progressive, electro and house dj." If you choose not to get this for me, I'm sure my 70-year-old mom will like it just as well:)

2. New CDs from Ra Ra Riot, Queen and/or The Grateful Dead_ I saw the band Ra Ra Riot in Chapel Hill, NC, a few weeks ago, and I would love to have their ne cd "The Orchard" (retail $16.99)

3. McGovern '72 t-shirt- Believe it or not, there is a web site called retrocampaigns.com which has t-shirts from virtually all succesful and failed campaigns since FDR, including a t-shirt for George McGovern's 1972 unsuccesful White House run and Barry Goldwater's futile 1964 campaign.

4. Tom and Jerry necktie ($15)_ Hey, the one I saw of them playing saxophones is really cool. And, besides if Ok Cupid hooks me up with a girl who asks: "Which one is the mouse?" then I'll know I'm in trouble!

5. Six bottles of Turkish ayran (yogurt/milk beverage which retails for $11.99 from tulumba.com)_ An Istanbul taxi driver named Atilla Kalkan (the guy's actual name, still have his business card) gave me the recipe. I tried to find him on Facebook, but apparently I found a different Atilla Kalkan who was not happy that I wanted 'to be his friend.'

6. "How I Learned to Drive," "Art" or "Blue/Orange" from LA Theatre Works ($15-20)_ Like my cousin in rural Missouri (family in-joke), I happen to love the theatre. But, if we have a nightmarish winter, it might be nice to stay in and listen to one of these three plays. My friend Todd Ristau, a playwright/stage director, in Roanoke, Va., actually played the lead male role in "How I Learned to Drive" several years ago.

7. A Subscription to "Mental Floss" ($27.95)_ It is one of the few magazines I don't subsribe to, but unlike "Soldier of Fortune," this magazine is one I'd definitely want to read!

8. New books from Rob Sheffield ("Talking to Girls About Duran Duran, $26) or "Griftopia" by Matt Taibbi ($25). Both of these "Rolling Stone" writers have new books out, and they both seem like great reads.

9. Fedora ($17-40). This should really be number one! Apparently, they are trying to hawk them on Hats on the Belfry (an Alexandria, Va., hat shop) and cyber malls on the Internet. Johnny Depp has made the black fedoras quite hip.

10. A Starbucks or Chevron gift card- Hey, like any other 40-year-old guy, I can always use free gas or free coffee!

Top 10 Riskiest Neckties to Wear to Work...

The "Tom and Jerry" necktie pictured above probably would NOT cause problems at work unless you had a very uptight boss, however even in hip, liberal places like Berkeley, Calif., or Boulder, Colo., many of these neckties would not be cool. Conversely, rebel flag and Stop Abortion neckties would not work well in an office environment in Lynchburg, Va., (actually we're not certain about that!).

Incidentally, all of these listed ties are available from zazzle.com or other Internet outlets!

Here is our list:

1. Che Guevara necktie (pictured)
2. Marijuana leaf necktie (pictured)
3. Old Soviet Union flag necktie
4. Chairman Mao neckties
5. Stop Abortion neckties
6. Koranic scripture neckties (definitely not a good idea on the Liberty University campus!)
7. Confederate Flag necktie
8. Playboy emblem necktie
9. Two Grooms with Brown Hair necktie (or any other overt gay neckties, not in the fashion sense)
10. Nude Woman Drinking Beer necktie

Other ties that were considered:

Palestinian Flag neckties (really bad idea if you're going to meet with Sen. Joe Lieberman on The Hill).
Rush Limbuagh neckties
Josef Stalin neckties
No Condom neckties
Mustafa Kemal Ataturk neckties (bad idea if you're in Glendale, Calif., which is home to America's largest Armenian population!)