Top Ten Comics from the Roanoke Times: Hair Force One

Once again, Garry Trudeau brilliantly lampooned the Donald Trump presidential candidate run for the Republican Party nomination which makes me think that one Paris Hilton will make a play for the Oval Office as well in his comic strip "Doonesbury." In his strip, which got first place this week, Trudeau also makes fun of two other Republican candidates with zero political experience in Carly Fiornia, a former Hewett Packard CEO, and Ben Carson, a retired brain surgeon from Baltimore, Md.

Second place goes to "Zits"in which Jeremy, a boy who has been a teenager since the days when Nirvana was in its heyday, is depicted as a large massive head which his parents try to push along.

"Speed Bump" also finished in our top ten, and this week Dave Coverly's strip had a Roman man in a toga with son who was also dressed like John Belushi in "Animal House" looking up at the sky and noticing birds flying over them in a V-formation which makes the boy ask his father: "Why do birds fly in a five-shape?"

Here is our top ten:

1. Doonesbury

2. Zits

3. Jump Start

4. Agnes

5. Garfield

6. Pearls Before Swine

7. Get Fuzzy

8. Funky Winkerbean

9. Speed Bump

10. Dilbert

http://www.doonesbury.com

http://www.gocmics.com/speedbump

http://www.gocomics.com/zits

http://www.gocomics.com/agnes

Ten People Who Would Make Better Oscar Hosts Than Seth MacFarlane (satire)

Yes, Miley Cyrus would probably do a better job as host than Seth MacFarlane did last night; we met her dad country singer Billy Ray Cyrus at the Rockingham County Fair in Harrisonburg, Va., some years ago.

Here is our list:

1) Paris Hilton

2) Miley Cyrus

3) Kim Kardashian

4) Toby Keith

5) Bob Costas

6) Marilyn Manson

7) Glenn Beck

8) Alex Trebek

9) Donald Trump

10) Garrison Keillor

Quote of the Week- James Madison

Hmmmm.....we somehow sense that this quip from James Madison, the fourth president of the United States and one of eight from Virginia, will in all probability not go viral.

But, we did decide to quote the first eight American presidents, so we are sticking to our plan, with the full realization that a quote from Paris Hilton would be more likely to bring in a blog reader in Quito, Ecuador.

We have heard there were major storms in Richmond, Va., today, which gave this amusing headline: "The flying Squirrels had to leave the field." This is in reference to the Richmond Flying Squirrels, the city's minor league baseball team, who were playing a day game at the time of the storm.

There is a high school in San Antonio named after Madison.

In Virginia, there is a high school in Vienna, a middle school in Roanoke and a university named after him as well.

Here is Madison's quote:

"A man has a property in his opinions and the free communication of them."

http://www.jmu.edu

Quote of the Week- Sun Tzu

Today, we quip the ancient Chinese philosopher Sun Tzu (544-496 BC) who ironically has a statue of himself in Tottori, Japan. We should perhaps dedicate an entry to the tsunami sufferers some time...........hmmm......yeah, that PSA series didn't go over too well (you need to be a long-time reader of this blog to perhaps get the joke and we don't have very many of those).

Tzu's most famous work "Art of War," which Paris Hilton has supposedly read!, was listed by "Mental Floss" magazine as one of the best books once can read on the Washington, DC metro commute between Arlington and the Smithsonian stops (Mental Floss actually said it was one of the best short books to read, we are putting in the DC metro to hopefully 'increase our circulation numbers' in that area which has considerably more people than War, WVa.,* where I am blogging from at the moment**).

Here is the quote from the great Chinese philosopher which will paste here so we can get out of the building in time for Oprah:

"If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril."

*- There is actually a coal-mining town called War, WVa., the far southeastern part of the state.

**- It is not actually where I am blogging from!

The Post-Election Day Hangover

Mor


I recall one year when I was in college when my old high school pals Jake and Brett (not their real names) came over and we watched the Super Bowl between the New York Giants and the Buffalo Bills. The Giants won the game, but I will never forget the Jack Daniels hangover that my buds suffered. I was smart enough not to join them!

And, since my Twitter account is frozen up today, which I suspect is a result of following over 1,800 people, media outlets and organizations (yes, Paris Hilton is one of them) the day after a major election.

While Paris Hilton may not have won yesterday, the dubious choice that Kentuckians made in electing far, far right mad man Rand Paul (we actually like Ron Paul, his dad, but like George W. Bush this guy is crazier than his dad!) who according to "The Nation" even opposes abortion when a woman's life is in danger, may be just as fatal for the American political spectrum.

Closer to home, one of my friends (yes, the irony here kills me too) Republican Morgan Griffith from my hometown of Salem, Va., upset Cong. Rick Boucher, who was first elected to office when I was 12 years old in 1982! And, I was perhaps the only kid from East Salem Elementary School who watched the election results that night.

Boucher lost in part from a heavy turn-out in conserative parts of the ninth district, according to "The Roanoke Times," which we presume would include the truck-stop town of Wytheville.

"The Roanoke Times" also stated that Cong. Tom Periello, a first-term representative, who is actually younger than me at 36, lost to Robert Hurt, a conservative state senator from the town of Chatham, Va.

Chatham is in southside Virginia where local churches actually state to be wary of our friend Hot Stuff on a regular basis.

(That is Satan for those of who live in saner parts of the country/world; I am of course alluding to the Harvey Comics character that Perriello is too young to remember and Griffith might well be reading to his young children).

In my current state of residence, North Carolina, Congressional Democrats fared fairly well even though the state house fell to the hands of Satan (the Republicans) for the first time since 1898!

Cong. Brad Miller (D-NC) held off a Tea Party whacko named Bill Randall who like Clarence Thomas is African-American.

In an effort to somehow proclaim that the GOP is now the party of diversity, Fred Barnes of the conservative "The Weekly Standard" (We should mention that neo-con don Bill Kristol of that same publication actually sent me a friendly email during the Obama-McCain race which still shocks me to this day!; of course- it had nothing to do with politics) mentioned that two African-Americans won Congressional races yesterday.

They included Tim Scott of South Carolina and Allen West of Florida.

Hopefully, they will represent their constituents well. If not, the Democratic Party might want to find two fat, old white guys to run against them!

Things We Learned From Twitter Today- Pee Wee Herman is Shopping

My personal favorite narcissictic celeb Pee Wee Herman (well, Paris Hilton is a close second) has tweeted that he was shopping in The Big Apple this afternoon:

"Heading to try on some jewels at Jacob the jeweler! 48 e and 57th near madison. Be there in 10 mins!"

It is sort of refreshing to see a famous person who is tottally comfortable providing info that would-be stalkers might find useful over the Internet.

Assuredly, we expect the like of Halle Berry will never let us know such things about herself.

Quote of the Week- David Letterman

"I can not sing, dance, or act; what else would I be besides a talk show host?"

Special Quote of the Week_ Paris Hilton

"The way I see it, you should live everyday like it's your birthday."








Amazingly enough, Ms. Hilton seems more humble than Heidi Montag (and Mr. Heidi- aka Spencer Pratt)..........how is that possible?


NOTE: I believe I have used this quote before on one of my blogs, but it is rerun season!


http://www.parishilton.com

Celebrity Birthdays- Paris Hilton is 28

Yes, the annoying/amusing socialite turns 28 today.

For her 21st birthday, Paris Hilton had parties in New York, Hollywood, Las Vegas, London and Tokyo, so much for concerns about carbon footprints!

Hilton's measurements are 34B-25-35 and she wears a size 11 shoe!

She briefly dated Backstreets Boys singer Nick Carter, and she has been in several bad movies.

I gather she also has a thing for shopping and cellphones ...........?!

Quote of the Week- Paris Hilton

Since we posted a quote from Britney Spears on our sister blog "The Daily Vampire," we thought we would add a quote from Paris Hilton here on the 'wallflower' blog:

"A true heiress is never mean to anyone- except a girl who steals her boyfriend."